Lesson 2: Honesty

The degree of difference between your mental health and neurosis is determined by the degree of difference between how you think and feel and how you speak and act.

This was defined as congruence by a famous psychologist, Carl Rogers, from the mid-1900s. He said, and I have found in my practice, that the amount of discrepancy between your true self (thoughts and feelings) and your public self (actions and statements) is directly related to the amount of stress, anxiety, and unhappiness that you will experience in life. It is also directly related to the amount of problems you will have in relationships and successes.

Congruence requires a confidence in yourself as a worthwhile person who has the right to be who you are, and a confidence that public reactions and opinions are not important enough to override being your true self. To maintain this level of integrity requires that you have tremendous courage to stand by your true feelings and convictions. At the same time, it also requires that you not compromise yourself in ways that could belittle or do harm to others. Rather, it requires that you remain your true self in the presence of others in ways that are respectful of them, especially when your honesty might be contradictory to their thoughts and feelings.